I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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