I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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