Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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