meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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