Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
