Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How naked do you want me to be?
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