Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
