Heybabeimwearingurpanties
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
