apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
