Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
