so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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