We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
