Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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