why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
