she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
