My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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