if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
