god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
