I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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