Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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