The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
