Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
