it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize