I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
