I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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