Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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