I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
