I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You don't make any sense
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