I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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