Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
