Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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