stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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