I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize