OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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