Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
