Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
