I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
