oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
