I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize