I want to have your abortion
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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