If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
