thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
