there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
