my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
