I murdered the dance floor call the cops
false alarm. still invincible.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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