the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
