All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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