I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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