hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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