I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
