my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
