don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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