I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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