i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
