Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
