Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize