I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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