I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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