so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
