anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
