I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
