Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
