You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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