At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
