if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
