'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
