he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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