i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
