He felt like a one man threesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
