i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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