Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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