I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
