I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize