Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
