By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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