New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
