I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
