thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
