He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
