If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
