biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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