They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
