I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize