FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
