Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
