I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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