dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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