Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
