8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
im on a boat
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